Hello!
Here's the link to the job application I wrote on:
http://www.singaporeinternship.com/internships/dbs-banking-internship
333 East Coast Road
#05-10
Singapore 429101
13 February 2011
DBS Bank
6 Shenton Way, DBS Building Tower One
Singapore 068809
Dear officer-in-charge,
I refer to your recruitment offer and am highly interested in being part of your team during May—August 2011. I am currently a Year One student from National University of Singapore, pursuing a degree in Mechanical Engineering. I am confident that I will be of great service to the company.
My interest in business has led me to choose this job. I am currently taking several business-related modules for my first year as I am planning to minor in business studies in my upcoming academic years.
My A levels’ and first semester results, as disclosed in my CV, are good. I have also participated in several school events especially in the area of sports. My numerous achievements in track and field and cross country events throughout my Junior College years, have shown my active CCA records. In my first semester, I have already participated in several sports events. I have also played the role as vice-captain in inter-faculty game which has given me the opportunity to lead others. The rigours in trainings have greatly enhanced my leadership qualities and team-building abilities. I am also part of a committee which is currently planning events for freshmen’s orientation. I have gained better communication skills as it demands highly of interaction with team mates and freshmen. These experiences will prove valuable as they are applicable in business meetings or doing business projects.
I am confident that my experiences and interest in this job area will contribute to this leading and dynamic bank despite my age. I hope I can be given an opportunity to work in this company.
I look forward to hearing from you in the near future. Thank you for your time.
Yours sincerely,
Koh Jia Ai
96184731
Koh_jia_ai@hotmail.com
Hello Jia Ai,
ReplyDeleteAAHHH I had completed my comment but it couldn't be posted because I had not logged in first. So here I go again...
I believe it must be difficult for you to draft up a comprehensive application letter and resume given that you are still new to NUS and all, but this is a good attempt!
However, maybe you could state the source of the job advertisement to make your application appear more legitimate. Also, you could state the title of the business modules you have taken to give the employer a clearer idea of what they are. I can see you are building upon your CCA experience to persuade the employer, but you could also specify the grades of the subjects or modules which you have excelled in to impress the employer further. Lastly, try to avoid words such as 'wish' or 'hope' as they give a sense of uncertainty. Instead, you could conclude with 'I look forward to hearing from you in the near future and will be thrilled to be given an opportunity to work in this company'.
If you are truly applying for this internship, I sure hope you'll get it! It certainly looks like you'll have the chance to utilise your ES2007S skills in this internship.
Eric Li
Hi Jia Ai
ReplyDeleteI can see that you have placed many of your strengths and qualities in the application letter. However, I observed that you did not sum up your strengths and demonstrate how you, as a junior undergraduate of the university, can have more to offer than an upper year undergraduate. Perhaps you can work on this to distinguish yourself from the crowd of older undergraduates.
Aside from that, since you are majoring in Mechanical Engineering, you may stand a lesser chance when competing against Business undergraduates due to lower exposure to Business modules. From what you have written in your letter, you did a great job in expressing your interest in business aside from your ME major. To further promote yourself, you should try to explain the relevant skills acquired in ME modules and link their relevance to your current and future business modules which you are going to minor. In this way, employers will be more convinced about your passion in Business since you are aware of the path you are heading to.
I hope my comments can be useful to you and all the best for your application letter.
Regards
Chung Wing Tai
Hi Jia Ai,
ReplyDeleteLike what Eric says, it may be difficult to show your academic or CCA performances since you are only a first year student. It is a good point that you had cross country event experience in your JC. But your sports CCA seems a bit irrelevant to the requirements from DBS.
You may include your contributions in the freshmen’s orientation committee, and also emphasize on your relevant quality from your JC CCA. Rather than ask your interviewers to refer to your resume, you'd better always mention the key points in your application letter.
Also, I feel "My interest in business has led me to choose this job. " and "My A levels’ and first semester results, as disclosed in my CV, are good." should be reconstructed. These 2 sentences sound conceited rather than confident. Personally I think it is always the company choosing employees instead of employees choosing the job. In addition, DBS is such a big company that you need to pay attention on your phrases particularly.
Some of my comments are just from my personal opinion, just for your information. Anyway, wish you all the best for your internship.
Best regards,
Zhang Jiao
Hi Jia Ai
ReplyDeleteIt is great that you are taking up an internship in a field that is different from engineering. The structure of the letter is generally clear and organized. I have some suggestions for the letter.
Firstly, you stated “I refer to your recruitment offer” in your letter. I think it will be appropriate if you can state how you learnt about this recruitment offer. In your case, it will be the internship website. Secondly, you stated that you are currently taking several business modules. I think you should also highlight how this knowledge will be useful to the job which can give you an edge over other applicants. Lastly, you stated “as disclosed in my CV” in the third paragraph. I think this phrase is redundant since the reader will most probably refer to your resume if there is any doubt.
I hope these suggestions will be useful and wish you all the best for your internship.
With regards,
Kar Liang
Hi Jia Ai,
ReplyDeleteThis is a really good attempt at an application letter, especially when you would likely have few activities in the university that you could elaborate on.
I think being in your first year should not be a handicap to you when it comes to elaborating on the skills you have acquired in your academic study. I suggest you could devote half your letter to your skills picked up through study, while the other half on your CCA records. As a rough guide, academic wise, you could add that the rigorous demands of core engineering modules builds up your analytical and problem solving skills, while modules such as EG1413 and ES2007 builds up your confidence in presentations and communication. Doing so, would help to paint a picture of a more well rounded and capable undergraduate, putting you in good stead for the job.
Another important point that you could take note of is that DBS is looking for interns with "excellent academic results", and their take on excellent results could mean results nothing short of stellar. Thus, if you do indeed have excellent results, you could write it as you having obtained excellent results from A levels as well as in your first year. Otherwise, I think you could leave that line out, and instead just focus on the skills you picked up over the past year.
Lastly, if you do not currently have many activities which you have joined in the university, you should avoid sticking resolutely to your university activities, and instead choose to focus mainly on your experiences you had while in junior college. As they are recent events, they can still work to your advantage in securing this internship.
In all, I felt it was a good attempt, and I do hope you found these suggestions useful in crafting an even more effective application letter.
Best regards,
Ho Zong